In remembrance: Fred Stilo
Sunday, July 6, 2003

Ferdinand Stilo, "The Fredster," died early this morning after a long rollercoastering battle with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma (including a stem-cell/bone-marrow transplant, which changed his blood type). He had been fighting persistent infections and was on life support since June 24.

To get a quick, rough image of Fred in your mind, imagine Weird Al Yankovic crossed with Jackie Gleason, friendly, gregarious, with an imperturbable sense of humor. Appropriately, he was a rock of stability for many of us Demarites, especially in Creative Writing, during the '88-'89 year. On our alumni page, in the space reserved for an official title from Hall Government or Res Life, I labeled him as "Weird Father Figure," which pretty much sums it up. He got a lot of us, including myself personally, through a lot of turmoil. And a lot of fun. It was an exceptional year.

He is survived by his wife, Dorothy, and two young sons. Dot sent regular email updates to Fred's mailing list throughout his medical ordeal. With her permission, here is her message from Sunday night.

12:56 am, Sunday, July 6, fred took his last breath. after 3 different medications and hours of trying to stabilize his blood pressure, they finally hooked him up to the dialysis machine on Saturday (July 5) morning, 6:30. his blood pressure dropped and he was not able to tolerate the procedure and they took him off the machine shortly after 10am. the doctors informed me they had done everything they could do...there was nothing left to try. his systems were failing. we cried, and watched him, and cried, and watched the machines, and cried, and talked, and cried, and each had our private talks with him, and cried...and finally we had to let him go...we may not have been ready, but he was... they finally extabated him just after midnight, and he passed within the hour....i had to pack up his things, and walk out the door, and leave him there, and know that i would never see my husband alive and home again...and then i had to prepare to tell our children... i am grateful for the time i had with him. i am grateful for the gift of our boys. i am grateful for his---OUR---loving, supportive family. i am grateful for all the lives he touched that reached back out in return. i am grateful for him. i love you, fred.

Updates:

The Tuesday, July 8, Star-Ledger (among other papers) is carrying a brief obituary.

Fred was, literally, a famous fan of the Go-Go's. Their official web site has a page of tribute to the Fredster. He also moderated a web discussion board for Go-Go's fans, where there is a constantly growing memorial message thread worth reading for both the memories and several photos of Fred. (Many more photos at his own web site, Fredster.com, which we plan to maintain in perpetuity.)

I'll be setting up a place on the Web for friends to share their memories (and perhaps photos as well) of Fred; I'll post a notice here when it's ready.

-- Chris

We're working on a new Demarest in Exile site which will be more easily updated and will manage alumni information in somewhat the same manner as Classmates.com, with contact information (email address) stored in a database and never directly presented on the screen -- registered members will be able to contact other members, and you'll be able to choose whether you can be contacted and by whom. Registration will be free and we won't share members' information with anyone else.

So, until that project is complete, please accept our apologies for the extreme staleness of this site's content, which we have updated only for the news on this page.

In remembrance: Rebecca Jackson

Two years ago, we learned that Demarest alumna Rebecca Jackson was diagnosed with a fatal lung disease. We are saddened to report that it has taken her life. Eric Portney sent us this message on Thursday, March 20, 2003:

Dear family and friends of Rebecca Jackson, As many of you know, Rebecca (or Becki, Becca, or Rhiannon to some), has been fighting for her life battling with a rare lung disease known as Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, or LAM for short. For those who have not already heard, I am sad to relay to you that Becki lost her battle with this disease on Tuesday morning. She was only 28 years old. Information on funeral services follows below. On behalf of her family, who does not have access to a computer at this time, I am conveying the following: Rebecca was a dear friend and a wonderful person, and losing her is devastating. Since her diagnosis with LAM, and through the nearly two years that followed, she was a fighter. She fought hard, with all her strength, and the love and friendship of all of you helped sustain her during that fight. She was stubborn, and she gave her all. Rebecca had a love for live and a love for doing things for those in her live, a love of spending time with friends, reading books, going to clubs -- just, well, just a love of enjoying life. In the end, LAM may have defeated her body, but it never defeated her spirit. Some of you may have lost touch with her over the years, some may be recent acquaintances, but you all share a common bond in having known her and being enriched by being a part of her life, and her yours. When you think of Becki, remember her for the smile on her face and the wind in her hair. And know that she accomplished a hell of a lot in her time. She had her Bat Mitzvah, she was confirmed in the Jewish faith, graduated high school, graduated from Rutgers, visited Europe, got her graduate degree. She got to LIVE. And while she only got to taste the smallest portions of what the world has to offer, know that what she did experience, she treasured. Many of you might not have been aware of the seriousness of her condition, or how sick she was. She didn't want to be a burden to the people she loved, and always presented herself as capable and in control. Know that she went out with the utmost grace and dignity. For many of you who are in the Champaign-Urbana area, or those who are unable to attend funeral services, Rebecca's family is preparing a memorial service in Champaign in about three weeks. We are not sure of the exact date yet, but everyone will be welcome at this memorial. As more information becomes available, I will send it along to all of you. Always know, always keep in your heart, that we are special to have known her, to have been a part of her life, and she of ours. We all shared a part of her, and because of that we are lucky. Sincerely, Eric Portney In lieu of flowers, Rebecca's family asks that a donation be made to the LAM Foundation in honor of Rebecca Jackson. Information on the LAM Foundation can be found at http://lam.uc.edu/

Joyce Whitlock sent us this message on August 7, 2001:

Hello, I'm writing on behalf of a former Demarite and my best friend, Rebecca Jackson. She lived in Demarest for 5 years, from 1992-1997, and was leader of the Creative Writing section for 2 consecutive years. When she graduated, she went to the Univerisity of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana and got her Masters in English. She now works as a technical writer for State Farm Insurance. This summer Becki was diagnosed with lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM), a rare and fatal genetic lung disease. The LAM Foundation, based in Cincinnati, OH, is funding research for treatment and cure for this disease. I would like to find out if Demarest would be willing to host a benefit to raise money for a donation to the LAM foundation. The foundation's web site is http://lam.uc.edu/ and has information on making a donation and sponsoring fund-raisers. My goal is to raise at least $10,000 so that I can fund a research grant in Becki's name. Please contact me and let me know if you would be willing to help. Thank you, Joyce Whitlock Rebecca Jackson Friends of the LAM Foundation also former member of Demarest French Section